The Angel of Rest

Come walk with me…Let’s take a journey back in time.

I am young – in so many ways. I’ve been 26 years old for 2 whole months. And I am a brand new mom as of 8:20pm last night. I am blessed to have had a quick shower early this morning. I am blessed to have a HUGE family, and my husband and I have many friends. It is Saturday, and family and friends are so happy to come and share moments of boundless joy.

They come and greet me and hug me and I smile and nod and agree that he is beautiful and I know that I have a wonderful gift from God.

All. Day. Long.

Some time in the evening I am alone. I decide to take a walk down the hall. As I pass by the nurse’s station, there is an angel there behind the counter. She calls me over. She looks to be somewhere in her 60’s and she chooses to share with me her great wisdom and tender care. She informs me that she has watched visitors come in and go out of my room all day. I smile and say yes I have had many visitors. Then she tells me, very kindly, that I could have asked the nurses to keep visitors out for a time so that I could get some rest. I am aghast!! I can’t do that!! She smiles knowingly and says: “Yes you can. You are exhausted!” I cringe because I am so readable, and I meet her eyes with my tired ones and acknowledge the truth.

So with great compassion, she points down the hall where there is an upgraded room that is empty and has, of all things, a Jacuzzi tub. She instructs me firmly, but lovingly, to go get a change of clothes and then go there and take a long hot bath and turn the jets on.

Like an obedient child I follow her instructions. I step into the tub, I sink down into the blissfully warm swirling water. The water flows, and my tears flow. Tears of exhaustion. Tears of gratitude for this angel who could see what was happening and did something to force me to rest and be good to myself. Someone who was attentive enough to know I had a need that I had not realized or given any thought to because I could not offend anyone.

There was no sleep the night before. Difficult to sleep with pain after childbirth and nurses checking and rechecking…and…fear. I am afraid of this new role and being responsible for another human being. I am alone in my fear because no one can know. That would make me a horrible person and I am a mom now so if I am horrible that means I am a horrible mom too. Remember, I am young, in so many ways.

Throughout my pregnancy I had other moms tell me that once the baby was born this mysterious maternal instinct would magically be triggered and I would inexplicably know. Everything about my new role would be clear and understandable and doable. All would be well.

If you know me, you will smile at this because it exemplifies how my mind works. I read every book I could get my hands on looking for that procedural formula to follow to be the best mom ever. To my complete surprise, there is no such thing as a formula. It does not exist. There is no way to prepare ahead of time for this!! I know that now, but in my young, naïve, and analytical mind, it was so logical that it must be there somewhere. I searched for it diligently.

So here I am, the day after giving birth. I’ve been a mom now for almost a whole entire day. Ummmm…nothing. No magic, no revelation, no confident knowledge of what to do or how to do it. I don’t even know how to hold him or feed him or change a diaper. The next day when he comes to my room for the first time, nurses have to show me. I’m completely clueless. And I am afraid. What if I don’t do this right? After all, I am supposed to do everything right, especially something as important as this!! What if I inadvertently hurt him or harm him in some way?

No sleep, fearful thoughts, and the all day stream of visitors = overwhelming exhaustion. In this gently ordered time of rest, in the relaxing warmth and the massaging jets of water, I fully relax for the first time all day. I let go of the mask and the pretense and the constant striving to behave as expected. I finally let it all go, and my entirely new world becomes a little brighter and a little warmer, more welcoming and less overwhelming.

All because someone who had no obligation cared enough to get involved and see to it that I got something I desperately needed. She gave me a great gift. She gave me time to be who I was right then: a terrified new mom who needed to just be alone and allow the stress to be released in a way that was safe and freeing and oh so comfortable. She paid attention and knew that I must be tired, and that knowledge was confirmed when she saw my heart in my eyes. She responded with a way to give me a soothing balm of comfort.

I never knew her name, but I will never forget her. I hope to see her in my eternal home in Heaven because I would love to give her a warm hug and thank her.

Thank you is so inadequate…but thank you, whoever and wherever you are, for going above and beyond the job description to simply show that you cared by fulfilling a need I did not even know I had. Your act of kindness made such an impact that I still remember every detail years later. Thank you for being my ministering angel that day.

This post is dedicated with love to all the nurses who see what they do as not just a job, but a calling, and they truly care for others when they need it the most.

Fulfilling the dream not dreamed of

Grateful. In Awe. Amazed. Appreciative. Loved.
Repeat. Over, and over, and over. Indefinitely.

And that does not begin to scratch the surface of all the emotions I continue to process.

I actually went to Israel.  Wow.  Add “incredulous” to that list of emotions. 🙂  This was not something I dreamed of, or even ever thought of.  But God did.

Those of you who know me know that it is absolutely a miracle that I went on this trip. And I do not say that lightly; I mean it. This was entirely divinely orchestrated with no small amount of patience and love.  A symphony of details all working together resulted in the most unlikely person ever receiving a great blessing.  A great blessing marked with my name.

If you had told me a year ago that I would travel across the world to Israel, and not only that, stay away from home for 10 days, spend those 10 days as part of a group of 25 people (and of those 25 people only really know 3), eat different food, travel on an airplane for over 12 hours to and from…

If you had told me that my name and Israel would ever be in the same sentence as an event in my life, I would have adamantly told you that you were either taking a break from reality, or you were crazy. No way. Not my thing. Too far out of my tiny comfort zone to even begin to consider.

But fortunately, my God had other ideas and He was not limited by me.  He did not need to consider my total lack of traveling experience, my concerns and fears, or my obsession with the illusion of control… because He is, well, God. He is not limited, at all.  Thank God.

The Ultimate Persistence  This trip was mentioned the first time about a year ago while travelling home from a road trip with a few church small group friends. I looked at the dates and related them to my work schedule, and I thought: “Nope, won’t work.  Gee, that’s a nice idea, but I can’t do it.”  I thought that was that.  Not hardly. Soon, it came up again as a formal invitation to our small group, and I’m still thinking: “Wow.  That’s great.  I hope some people can go.”  Then, I was asked personally, and I relayed how my work schedule made it impossible. But even after that, the subject, and the invite, surfaced again, and again.  By this time, God was bringing it to mind.  I found myself thinking about it a lot without meaning to.  Finally, I got it. I listened, and I heard Him.

Here is a once in a lifetime opportunity.  I am God, and I am giving this opportunity to you.  It is a gift.  Don’t refuse it.  Don’t let work, or fear, or lack of experience, or anything at all, allow this opportunity to pass by.  There is a reason that this keeps coming up.  This is from Me.  This is what you are supposed to do.  Do it!!

Thank God for a wonderful friend who would not let it go until I could not let it go (Thanks Donna).  And I am continually grateful for a God who knows that I do not take hints and I don’t get subtlety. A God who patiently kept tenderly nudging, and OK, sometimes not quite so tenderly pushing, until I allowed myself to follow His guidance.

So I took the plunge and decided to go.  As it got closer, I had many panicked instances of “What am I doing???”  I learned as time went on that I simply needed to trust the miracle that was unfolding in my life, and know that what I was doing was part of God’s plan.

Several have asked me how this trip lined up with my expectations. What makes this even more wonderful is the fact that I had no specific expectations.  All I had was a general idea of how I would like for this to be a life changing experience. I had no frame of reference for any of it. I had no specific desires or needs that I hoped would be met. I had never been on a trip even remotely this far away. I had never been away from home for 10 whole days in my entire life. I had never experienced anything that even began to prepare me for this.

Off and on throughout this God ordained journey, I was astonished by overwhelming emotions.  I am not by nature emotional.  The sights, the sounds,  the sensations, the atmosphere.  I found myself interrupting the trivial mindset, being astounded with the phenomenal reality, and stepping back to focus on this great gift.  To realize:

Intimacy with my Savior.

The reoccurring thought that I was, somehow, inexplicably present in a surreal reality to see first hand all that He wanted to show me.

His sweet words to my heart: “See? This is why I dragged you here kicking and screaming.” 🙂

The love I felt from Him and for Him.

The beauty surrounding me, both physical and spiritual.

The rich history that brought to life the fact that everything in the Bible is there for a reason: God’s reason, God’s purpose.

The realization that here in the very young United States, we don’t know what “old” means.

The glorious melding together of a group of 25 people, in conditions and circumstances that show that it was God who brought us together for this time, this place, this journey.

I felt so honored and privileged to be where Jesus was, to see where He did miracles and ministry and teaching, to see where He lived out His life, to see where He agonized, and suffered, and died… for me. To see areas where God worked wonders and used great leaders to establish His plan in history forever. To see remains of what was, so many years ago, and be able to visualize it as it was then. To gain a clearer understanding of the culture and the customs and the daily life of God’s chosen people then, and now.

This trip was incredible, awesome, amazing, captivating.  For so many reasons, on so many levels.

I received a wonderful gift. My ongoing prayer is that I will never forget.

I want to always remember this time when Jesus chose to allow me to experience Him in ways I never could have imagined.  I want to remember to nourish and nurture our connection, the freely offered relationship I have chosen to participate in.  I want to participate fully, intensely.  I want to yearn for Him, to love Him freely.  I never want to forget all that He allowed me to be a part of, for reasons known only to Him.  I am humbled, and honored, and refreshingly reminded of His great love.

Certain Uncertainty

Always in motion

Struggling to stand

On shifting sands

On ground that moves

I fall

I tumble

I plummet

Into ever rolling, crashing waves

Of change

Of questions unanswered

I fight

I struggle

I yearn

For safe and routine

Sameness

But there is nothing truly constant

There is no certainty

The only certainty

Is uncertainty

Unless…

I reach for the hand

That is unseen

Not flesh

But felt nonetheless

If I choose to allow myself to feel the presence

Of the One Constant

Of the One Never Changing

Of the One Certainty.

To reach for this unseen hand requires trust that it is there

Trust that can never fail to benefit

In countless, unfathomable ways.

We are finite, incredibly small human beings in a world of twists and turns within a maze of incredible complexity called life. There is really only one thing that is truly predictable: Uncertainty. We can all count on being touched by various levels of uncertainty in one way or another.  We are not capable of having definitive answers for everything that we face. I know this, but I don’t act as though I do. This reality is very hard to swallow for such a detail obsessed, analytical, deep thinker. My actions indicate that if I just seek desperately enough, I can find all the answers…but of course that is impossible.

Come with me as I take this further.  Let’s take the ever-present uncertainty and add another familiar element:  Trust.  I read a quote not too long ago from Joyce Meyer:  “Trust requires unanswered questions.”  I am absolutely sure that wherever she was when she said or wrote this, she was thinking of me.  🙂 Unanswered questions…that is the essence of uncertainty.

Joyce’s short sentence is so true when you think about it – in any relationship.  But this idea of acknowledging the existence of uncertainty, or unanswered questions, is even more applicable on a spiritual level.  God is real.  Jesus is real.  The Holy Spirit is real.  But this reality is on a level that we are never meant to completely understand.  Knowing that we will never completely “get it”, at least in this life, can be incredibly hard to deal with if we (and I mean me) yearn to grasp hold of every detail of the why and how and when and where.  Certain uncertainty.  A certainty of unanswered questions.

From previous posts, you know that my natural tendency is to question everything.  And “everything” is not an exaggeration at all.  And not only that…  I don’t just question, I drill.  As in intense questioning.  Like someone who is arrested and placed n a holding cell to be questioned by authorities…many, many questions, and then the same questions asked over and over, and the same questions asked in different ways…all with the goal of getting the answers that are correct.  Or hopefully correct.  Or for me, getting that nagging uncertainty to a more manageable level…getting the answers that calm and make me comfortable again.  Or sort of comfortable.  That’s a whole other subject…

So get inside my head for a bit.  I’m so glad that God does not get tired of my questions.  For you see, I don’t ask why the chicken crossed the road.  Even in a case like this where I already know that answer, I need to understand!

I ask…

Did he run, walk, or jog? How wide was the road?  Was this a dangerous crossing with traffic?  What time of day was it?      What was the weather like that day?  Why did he want to get to the other side?  What frame of mind was he in when he chose to do this?  Was he satisfied when he achieved his goal?  Did he cross the road again afterwards to go back where he came from…or did he stay in this new place and find a new  home?  Was he alone or did he have a family to bring with him or abandon?

And I could go on indefinitely…but fortunately for you, my wonderful readers, I will stop.  🙂

Obviously, I have a really tough time just accepting anything.  But as Christians, that is what we are to do.  We are to simply accept and enjoy what we have been freely given, and we are to live to honor that gift and to show others just how much it means to us.

In the throes of absolute uncertainty, we can have…Certainty.  Certainty that will greatly enhance every aspect of our lives.  We have a source of joy, of hope, of strength, of peace,  of love…that is as infinite as our infinite God.  I have felt His presence at times in such a tangible way that can’t be explained but is no less real for lack of explanation.  I must admit that those times are hard to remember when I don’t experience that affirmation.  Yet I am called to live out what it means to trust God.  I am called to show what it looks like to have certainty in a world of uncertainty.

I have learned that to trust is a choice.  I can choose to trust someone I love, or I can choose not to.  I can choose to trust God, or not.  Either choice has plenty of ideas as to why it is or is not the right choice.  But I must choose.  And not only must I choose, I must continually choose.

Choosing to trust God, choosing the ultimate Certainty, is always the right choice.  I am definitely a work in progress, but my ultimate goal is to show by my actions that I truly believe that.  I want my life to exemplify that truth.

Everything

So I have had this writing I am about to share with you for some time, and I have been directed by God to share this with you.  I am a bit slow…OK, a lot slow, in the obedience department, especially when it involves something I am really uncomfortable with.  Which is…most things.

So a little background first. Understand that I wrote this in one of those desperate, rare moments when I allowed my many defenses to take a break and I realized just how much I try to control all that makes up this life that God has allowed me to have. I realized how what I do in my humanness is so useless, yet I cling to it like it is the best thing ever. I realized how sad that is. I realized how totally broken I am. I wrote to God about these realizations, and we discussed it in my writing. So this is a dialogue with a holy, mighty, powerful, huge God, who in spite of all that, loves me…and sees my fear and my distress and my longing to let go. Understand that this is intensely personal, but I share it in hopes that others who can identify with where this comes from will know that they are not alone, that God is a loving and compassionate God, and that He completely understands and cares and He wants to take this from us. But we must let it go as He will not take it by force. Understand that this is raw desperation…this is my heart on paper…at 3:30am one morning a couple of months ago.

So…(deep breath) here it is.

EVERYTHING
STOP.
Stop worrying.
Stop thinking. Stop wondering. Stop analyzing. Stop imagining.
Running running running
So very tired
Longing. Yearning. Thirsting.
Desperate. Despairing. Ashamed.
But running still.
From what?
From everything
What’s everything?
Everything that might happen!
Gotta prepare for it!
I must stay ahead of it!
Its closing in!
Can’t you see it? It’s right there!
What’s closing in?
Everything!
Again, What’s everything?
Really? How can You not know that?
Everything is…
All that is out there
In the unknown, the uncharted
The empty, never filled
Empty is bad!
Why?
Because I can’t see it!
Why do you have to see it?
I’m afraid, alright?
Alright. It’s OK.
OK. So You see that
I must fill the emptiness.
I must change empty to filled.
I fill it
With multiple scenarios of what could become reality
You know, just in case…
You get that, right?
All my hard work
All my exhausting preparation
Now I can see what might happen
So then the fear will go away.
It’s very logical…in a really sick way.
But what I see
Is only darkness and dread and cold terror
Evil lives there in that welcome environment
And calls my name and tells me
Whew. You made it. You avoided disaster again.
I’m victorious…
A victor who has no celebration, no rest, no time.
Only fear…right around the next corner.

I know. Really. I know all of this. I understand it all, and I care.
I have walked right beside you all the way.
I am here. Right here.
Please, let me take this.
I got this.
My precious, created child.
I love you. I love you.
Look up…my hands are here waiting
To lift up your head
So that you lift up your eyes
And see truth, not lies.
You are so afraid of
Everything.
What is everything?
I AM.

Mom…Dancing through life and loving Jesus

We were vastly different in personality, she and I.

I am introverted, studious, serious-minded, and a deep thinker. I struggle to be comfortable in what would be considered by many to be “normal” day-to-day life situations. I move slowly and methodically, taking in every detail. No grace here – more like slowly plodding through life.

In contrast, she did not just live life. She did not plod along daily. She fully experienced everything life offered her, and she did it with gusto.  She danced.  She danced through her life.

She had a tremendous people loving quality about her. She was at her highest level of enjoyment when surrounded by our large family or a group of her friends. She was completely at ease in settings that were a mixture of people she knew and people she would get to know. She had no misgivings or hesitation about smiling and introducing herself to strangers and striking up a conversation. All of this was completely natural for her. She was just herself, and she loved every minute of it.

She also loved having fun. Laughter sprinkled with silliness was a great pleasure. Laughter is an important part of living a quality life. She got that. I see that now.

Most importantly, she truly loved Jesus. She lived it – all the time. I was so blessed to have parents who taught me about Jesus with words, but more importantly, by example. The evidence of her commitment to serve Him included ministry to the sick, the shut ins, and the newcomers to the church. She and a friend went “visiting” every week for many years. She prepared and taught Bible study at church every Sunday. She honored God with her ministry, and I know that she made a significant impact on many lives.

She also was a woman of prayer, daily, continually. She prayed earnestly, and she was quick to let others know that she was praying, and what she was praying, for them.

My greatest regret after her leaving this earth to the arms of Jesus six years ago was that I never chose to uncover who she really was other than my wonderful Mom. I did not celebrate or fully appreciate the person she was until she was no longer living here. Of course I loved her, but because we were so different it was not always easy for us to relate to each other as adults. I never made the effort to get past that.

Fortunately because I have no doubt where she is, I can rest in the assurance God has given me that she is enjoying my progress to more closely resemble who He wants me to be, what He wants me to do, and how He wants me to live. I can learn, and I can grow, and she will know. She knows that I truly love her, not only as Mom, but as all she was in her individuality. She knows that I understand what she meant to so many people.

I look forward to seeing her when I arrive in Heaven. She will be the first person I see, there at the entrance. Because we will all have jobs in Heaven, and because she loves people so much, her job title is Greeter. She takes a newcomer by the hand and gives the grand tour, pointing out this and that, and making introductions along the way…and the grand tour culminates with the unfathomable face to face meeting with Jesus Himself. What a wonderful job for her…a job that fits her perfectly. After I give her the biggest hug ever, she will be my tour guide. What a glorious time we will have!!

She left behind a legacy that lives on in me. Even though we were so different in personality, I do carry a part of her identity. I want that to shine for God, and for her. I believe that is part of who I am becoming through what only can be described as God’s hard work in my life of late. I have a long way to go…and I thank God that He is very patient.

Proverbs 31:28-31
“Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.”

Just Be…

The title for this post is just two simple words.  But the reality of what they mean in my life is not simple at all.

Just be…  Don’t think, don’t analyze, don’t compensate, don’t rationalize…just rest in the reality of Jesus Christ.  He is here.  Always, no matter what.   Just be.  Just relax and enjoy His presence.  Just listen for His loving guidance.

I know that I know that I know…   Years ago, I heard this phrase applied to believing in Jesus Christ.  It’s a nice, catchy phrase that conveys a deep truth.   Lately I have been exploring it, digging deeper.  Do I really have the total assurance indicated by these words?  If I am completely honest and transparent, I must admit that there are times when “I know that I know that I know” changes into “I should know that I should know that I should know.”  Ouch.  So then I asked myself…Why is that?  What causes my assurance to waver?  It’s definitely not anything that Jesus does or does not do.  It’s not His presence lacking strength or permanence.  It has nothing to do with Jesus at all.  He is the same…always.  Magnificent and Holy, yet, at the same time, loving me so much that He desires an intimate relationship with me.  He is.  Period. It does not matter whether I am in a state of complete concurrence or not.

I have discovered that if I can truly “just be”, everything suddenly shifts and I am flooded with knowledge that Jesus is real, He loves me, and He wants His best for me.  In those moments I can feel His presence so strongly that I wonder how I could ever be anything less than absolutely certain.  A new realization is that what keeps me from that steadfast knowledge of Jesus is my incredibly strong desire to run my life on my own.  How’s that working for me?  Ummm…it’s not.  I also recognize that my personal tendency is to overthink…a lot.  A whole lot.  I find myself constantly striving for an answer for every single nuance of my life’s journey.  I want to understand everything, all the time!   It is exhausting!!  But the opposite extreme, to just be, is a very difficult concept for my to grasp.  Unfortunately, I tend to treat it as a last resort instead of my first choice.

A while back I did some study on one of my favorite Bible verses:

Psalm 46:10.   “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” (ESV) 

I looked at this verse in several different translations, and found my new favorite translation of this verse from the Amplified Bible:  “Let be and be still and know (recognize and understand) that I am God.  I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth!”

“Let be”…that shouted at me…that brought clarity.  Being still in God’s presence requires passivity so that God can take over.  I must “let be” first, and then I can “be still”.  Actively trying to be still is like actively trying to avoid a particular thought.  Trying not to think about something brings your focus to what you are trying to stop focusing on. I hope that makes sense…

In this journey God is leading me on, my goal is to increasingly “let be” by replacing my active pursuit of the illusion of control with stopping, listening, and allowing God to calm my heart and guide me to His plan.  Then I can be still…and when I do that, I can realize the rest of that sentence – I can know, recognize, and understand that He is God, He is Jesus Christ, He is the Holy Spirit.  And He will be exalted in all the world, simply because He exists.

Who’s drivin’?

I am a horrible driver. Seriously. I am not a “think on my feet” (or in my car) kind of person.  I am a slow, methodical, analytical thinker.  No time for all that when I am driving down the road and need to make a split decision!!  I do drive of course, because it is a necessity for me.  lt would be a VERY long 20+ mile walk to work every morning!!  🙂  So I approach driving like I approach most everything in life…very cautiously.  I drive to and from work, run my errands, do my thing…because this needs to be done.  That, and there is a certain amount of freedom to enjoy when driving around on your own…which I can do OK with if I am somewhere relatively safe and familiar.

But then I have to add another important element to my lack of driving finesse.  To put it bluntly, I am severely directionally challenged.  As in I have absolutely NO sense of direction. At all. Ever. Now those of you who drive all over the place all the time without a second thought and were able to figure out how to get most anywhere before the wonderful invention of GPS…right now you are thinking I am exaggerating and just being over dramatic. But those of you who know me, and have been anywhere with me, know I speak the truth!  🙂  One of those “sad, but true” things about me.  I really do thank God for my wonderful iPhone GPS!  It has helped me quite a bit, but still…very, very lacking in being able to get somewhere unfamiliar with much success.  And because of this directional issue I have…I experience various levels of irrational fear when faced with driving somewhere I have never been.  Yes, I know.  Weird.  Or, the politically correct word…”Unique”.

So put all that together, and you have a perfectly able adult woman who will avoid driving to unfamiliar places if at all possible.  And I also avoid driving when there is any type of group event.  Like even going to lunch/dinner with friends at a nearby restaurant.  We get ready to leave and they KNOW not to ask me if I want to drive.  Because they already know the answer, and they love me anyway.  Thank God for my wonderful friends.  I am truly blessed!

I know people who actually enjoy driving.  I can’t imagine that.  I even know of doing this whole calculating game while driving down the freeway constantly adjusting for the most advantageous position.  (I won’t name names, but thanks for that info…it helped me gel the idea for this post)  Thinking like that is as foreign to me as….well, I can’t even think of anything that foreign.

If I could, I would just wish to be places and suddenly appear there.  Kind of like Star Trek “Beam me up Scottie!”.  That would be so cool, and would relieve no small amount of stress in my life.

So I’m thinking about how I relate to the task of driving.  I’ve described to you what the physical task of driving means to me.  Let’s take that to a spiritual level.  Ouch.  Why do I act so differently in the spiritual realm?  What makes me think I can drive?  Why do I experience those times of wanting to take the wheel?  Every time I do, it’s a different level of disastrous.  It never ends well. I learned the definition of insanity several years ago…doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result.  But that is a whole different post…maybe someday.

I have learned that my God is so very, very patient.  He is the One who totally gets me, who understands me and all my various struggles…who loves me always…Always.  And He stands ready to take the wheel back from my shaking hands after each catastrophe I create when I try to drive.  He is there as I face and deal with the consequences of those times.  At this point, He is helping me recognize when I am taking the keys with grandiose ideas about what will happen when I try to take over my life…my life? No, really His life as I belong to Him.  Thank God.

I am a lover of music…especially of the contemporary Christian variety.  Ginny Owens has a song that says exactly my thoughts…

So now I march to the beat of my own drum, sing out the words to my own song, give thanks to the One who gives me life.  Every day is like a new adventure.  I can almost hear Him whisper:  “If you wanna take the ride of your life then,

Come on, Get in, I’m drivin’.” 

Launch!

OK – so here we go. I am sadly technically challenged, but I know that I need to do this. As with many things in my life, I am learning as I go.

God has given me a passion for writing that began when I was very small…literally. In elementary school I learned that I like to put my huge imagination down on paper just for fun. As a teenager, I added prose and poetry and found that it was a great outlet for teenage drama, and I discovered that writing helped me learn about me. As an adult I know that writing helps me see who I am and who I long to be in Christ. The gap in between those two points is where God is working, and it is also a place that is continually covered by His love and grace.

The title of this blog is a description of what is happening in my life at this time. God is “chipping away” at my walls. Sometimes gently and lovingly, and other times quite forcefully, yet still lovingly. And when I say I am a work in progress…that should be all capital letters. WORK. My walls are thick, hard, and reinforced with all manner of materials in a completely lame effort to protect myself from…well, most everything.

So you are invited along for this journey to parts unknown. I’m not driving. God is. So feel free to come along for the ride…I can promise it will be at least somewhat entertaining as you learn along with me what God has planned for this new endeavor.